Travails of a lost soul…
The journal of a sad, lonely, dying soul.

Born and raised…

I was born and raised a Catholic.

That, in and of itself, is not an explanation one way or the other for what I am and what I feel now.  But over the years, I have consistently been a “nominal” Catholic, with regular attendance at Sunday mass as the lynchpin of my decidedly-low but constant “religiosity.”

I have tried — but not found — any link between my religion (or my “religiosity”) to my life.  I haven’t found a connection between it and how I feel, how much of a failure i see myself as now.

But one of the more painful — and puzzling — aspects is the absence of what I personally view as “help” from God in the worst days on my life.  (Believe me, there are more bad days than good — far more.)

Everyone around me insists I pray — and I have.  Honestly?  Yes.  Contritely?  I think so.  Sincerely?  Definitely.

They say God answers all your prayers.  I guess His answer to me has remained true throughout the years:  “No.”

So here I am, not only alone, lonely, depressed, sad…but also poor.

I have tried to think…what have I done that is so evil that I forfeited any chance of human and physical redemption?  How bad have I been that I now have no chance at any form of happiness?  Why can’t I even be loved by — much less love — the people I wish could be part of my life?


One Response to “Born and raised…”

  1. oooh 22 januari… gadis bandung toh…? hmm selamat ya tuob,,, smg mjd keluarga sakinah mawadah warohmah…amien yra…. Click

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