Travails of a lost soul…
The journal of a sad, lonely, dying soul.

Born and raised…

I was born and raised a Catholic.

That, in and of itself, is not an explanation one way or the other for what I am and what I feel now.  But over the years, I have consistently been a “nominal” Catholic, with regular attendance at Sunday mass as the lynchpin of my decidedly-low but constant “religiosity.”

I have tried — but not found — any link between my religion (or my “religiosity”) to my life.  I haven’t found a connection between it and how I feel, how much of a failure i see myself as now.

But one of the more painful — and puzzling — aspects is the absence of what I personally view as “help” from God in the worst days on my life.  (Believe me, there are more bad days than good — far more.)

Everyone around me insists I pray — and I have.  Honestly?  Yes.  Contritely?  I think so.  Sincerely?  Definitely.

They say God answers all your prayers.  I guess His answer to me has remained true throughout the years:  “No.”

So here I am, not only alone, lonely, depressed, sad…but also poor.

I have tried to think…what have I done that is so evil that I forfeited any chance of human and physical redemption?  How bad have I been that I now have no chance at any form of happiness?  Why can’t I even be loved by — much less love — the people I wish could be part of my life?

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One Response to “Born and raised…”

  1. oooh 22 januari… gadis bandung toh…? hmm selamat ya tuob,,, smg mjd keluarga sakinah mawadah warohmah…amien yra…. Click https://zhoutest.wordpress.com/


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